‘Harry Potter’ Star Emma Watson Marries Herself

Bad news, Comrades: Emma Watson is spoken for. So, you can cancel that check to 1-800-FLOWERS. You can return that golden band. Give away your one-way ticket to merry old England, and abandon all hope of wooing the once-child-star of Harry Potter fame, because Emma Watson is no longer single.

She has married herself.

But before you slit your wrists, stick your head in the oven, eat all the sleeping pills and whiskey, or lock yourself in the garage with the Olds Mobile in Park, just stop to think about the flip side of this revelation. If you were to keep your plane ticket to England, and should you meet Mx Watson in the street, if you were to say something rude to her – her spouse would be far too weak and diminutive to defend her honor in mortal combat.

So, there’s a ray of sunshine for you.

We’re only being cheeky, of course. We are not suggesting that you should fly to the new radical-political-Muslim capital of the West and verbally harass a mentally deranged woman. You could do that much more frugally in your home town. We are simply illustrating that all this gender mishmashery and convention-shaking leads to 100%, unadulterated bullhonkery.

In the following clip, you are going to see Dennis Rodman in lipstick and a wedding dress as he marries himself.

All we want you to do is consider one thing: just how ugly a bride Dennis Rodman makes.

Here’s Michael Knowles with more.